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Images Sounds Main Page |
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Story Credits Mel Brooks Movie Site |
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Images Sounds Main Page |
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Story Credits Mel Brooks Movie Site |
| Space Balls Sounds |
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President Skroob: What's the combination? Colonel Sandurz: 1-2-3-4-5. President Skroob: 1-2-3-4-5? Colonel Sandurz: Yes. President Skroob: That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage!  83k |
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Ape #1: Dear me! What are those things coming out of her nose? Ape #2: Spaceballs? Ape #1: Oh shit. There goes the planet! 187k |
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Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot! I said across her nose, not up it! Gunner: Sorry, Sir. Doing my best. Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner? Major Asshole: I did, Sir. He's my cousin. Dark Helmet: Who is he? Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole, Sir. Dark Helmet: I know that. What's his name? Colonel Sandurz: That is his name, Sir. Asshole. Major Asshole. Dark Helmet: And his cousin? Colonel Sandurz: He's an asshole, too, Sir. Gunner's mate, First Class, Philip Asshole. Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow? Crew: Yo! Dark Helmet: I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes! Keep firing, assholes! 2.8M |
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President Skroob: I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe? Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, Sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful. 140k |
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Dark Helmet: Come back, you fat, bearded, bitch! 61k |
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Dark Helmet: Say goodbye to your two best friends. And I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago. 61k |
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President Skroob: Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big? 22k |
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Lone Starr: Uh oh! Here comes the Bad Year Blimp! 18k |
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Dark Helmet: My brains are going into my feet! 108k |
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Colonel Sandurz: Are you all right, Sir? Dark Helmet: Fine. How have you been? Colonel Sandurz: Fine, Sir. Dark Helmet: Good. Colonel Sandurz: It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet. Dark Helmet: Yeah. Colonel Sandurz: What should we do now, Sir? Dark Helmet: Well, are we stopped? Colonel Sandurz: We're stopped, Sir. Dark Helmet: Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break. Colonel Sandurz: Very good, Sir. Dark Helmet: Smoke if you got 'em. 235k |
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Dark Helmet: I can't breathe in this thing! 121k |
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Colonel Sandurz: Sir, you better buckle up. Dark Helmet: Ah, buckle this! 31k |
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Dot Matrix: Hey! Stop looking up my can! 19k |
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Colonel Sandurz: Prepare ship for light speed! Dark Helmet: No, no, no, light speed is too slow. Colonel Sandurz: Light speed too slow? Dark Helmet: Yes, we're gonna have to go right to.....ludicrous speed! Crew: Huh?? Huh?? Colonel Sandurz: Ludicrous speed? Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if the ship can take it! Dark Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken? 179k |
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Dark Helmet: I always have coffee when I watch radar. You know that. Colonel Sandurz: Of course I do, Sir. Dark Helmet: Everybody knows that. Crew: Of course we do, Sir. 59k |
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Computer: Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in three minutes. 59k |
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Computer: This ship will self-destruct in twenty seconds. This is your last chance to push the cancellation button. 61k |
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Lone Starr: Ah. Thank you. Dinks: DDDink dink. Lone Starr: Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland? Dinks: Dink dink..... 395k |
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Dark Helmet (as Dark Helmet Doll): Princess Vespa. At last I have you in my clutches. To have my way with you. The way I want to. Dark Helmet (as Princess Vespa Doll): No, no, please, leave me alone! Dark Helmet (as Dark Helmet Doll): No, you are mine! Dark Helmet (as Lone Starr Doll): Not so fast, Helmet! Dark Helmet (as Dark Helmet Doll): Lone Starr. Dark Helmet (as Lone Starr Doll): Yes, it's me. I'm here to save my girlfriend. Hi, Honey! 211k |
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Dark Helmet (as Dark Helmet Doll): Princess Vespa, at last we are alone. Dark Helmet (as Princess Vespa Doll): Oh, no! I hate you! I hate you! Leave me alone! Yet, I find you strangely attractive. Dark Helmet (as Dark Helmet Doll): Of course you do. Druish princesses are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you know it. 191k |
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Dark Helmet (as Princess Vespa Doll): Oh, leave me alone! Dark Helmet (as Dark Helmet Doll): No, kiss me. Dark Helmet (as Princess Vespa Doll): No, no! Yes! No! Dark Helmet (as Dark Helmet Doll): No! Dark Helmet (as Princess Vespa Doll): Yes! No! Yes! [moaning] Ah oh oh uh oh. Oh, your helmet is so big! 141k |
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[sound of door being thrown open] Colonel Sandurz: Lord Helmet! Dark Helmet: What? Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge Sir! Dark Helmet: Knock on my door! Knock next time! Sandurz: Yes sir. Dark Helmet: Did you see anything? Sandurz: No sir. I didn't see you playing with your dolls again. Dark Helmet: Good. 126k |
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Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa. Daughter of Roland, King of the Druids! Lone Starr: Mmm. That's all we needed. A Druish Princess. Barf: Funny. She doesn't look Druish. 180k |
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Dark Helmet: If there's one thing I despise it is a fair fight. 32k |
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Princess Vespa: Ah! Oh, oh. Dark Helmet: Fooled you. 60k |
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The song sung by the alien creature as he dances down the bar at the interstellar diner. 315k |
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Dark Helmet: Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb. 86k |
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Crew: Hail Skroob! 12k |
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Princess Vespa: Ah! My hair! He shot my hair! Son of a bitch! [sound of wild laser fire] ...How was that? Lone Starr: Not bad. Barf: Not bad, for a girl. Dot Matrix: Hey, that was pretty good for Rambo. 458k |
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Dark Helmet: Bet she gives great helmet. 173k |
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Lone Starr: Buckle up back there. We're going into ... hyperactive. 75k |
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Lone Starr: On this ship you're to refer to me as 'idiot,' not 'you captain'! 38k |
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Officer: Make way for Dark Helmet. Colonel Sandurz: All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet. [sound of marching and music] [sound of breathing] Dark Helmet: I can't breathe in this thing! 594k |
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Radar Technician: Sir. The radar, sir. It appears to be ... jammed! Dark Helmet: Jammed. ... Raspberry. 154k |
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Colonel Sandurz: Let's get moving. Troop Leader: Yes sir. Prepare to move out. Dark Helmet: What are you preparing? You're always preparing. Just go! Troop Leader: Just go. 79k |
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Yogurt: Who dares enter the sacred and awesome presence of the everlasting know-it-all? 58k |
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President Skroob: Ah, planet Druidia. And ten thousand years of fresh air. Dark Helmet: The way he runs things it won't last a hundred. 79k |
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Barf: I'm a Mawg. Half man-half dog. I'm my own best friend. 71k |
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Lone Starr: At last we meet, for the first time for the last time. 32k |
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Lone Starr: We're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a shitload of money! 70k |
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Dark Helmet: Colonel Sandurz. May I speak with you please. Colonel Sandurz: Yes sir. Dark Helmet: How could there be a cassette of Spaceballs the Movie? We're still in the middle of making it! Sandurz: That's true sir. But there's been a new breakthrough in home video marketing. Dark Helmet: There has? Sandurz: Yes. Instant cassettes. They're out in stores before the movie is finished. Dark Helmet: Nahh. Video Operator: Here it is, Sir. Spaceballs! 237k |
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Soldier: No, no, no, no, no, please, please, please, no, no, no, not that! Dark Helmet: Yes. That. 102k |
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Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie? Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, Sir. Everything that happens now is happening now. DH: What happened to then? CS: We passed it. DH: When? CS: Just now. We're at now, now. DH: Go back to then! CS: When? DH: Now! CS: Now? DH: Now! CS: We can't! DH: Why? CS: We missed it. DH: When? CS: Just now. DH: When will then be now? CS: Soon. DH: How soon? Technician: Sir! DH: What?! Tech: We've identified their location! DH: Where?! Tech: It's the moon of Vega. CS: Good work. Set a course and prepare for our arrival! DH: When?! Tech: Nineteen hundred hours, Sir! CS: By high noon tomorrow they will be our prisoners! DH: WHO??!! [ mask falls in front of face] 273k |
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Dark Helmet: Out of order? Fuck! Even in the future nothing works! 36k |
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Dark Helmet: I'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediately. Seargent Ricco: I already called him, Sir. He knows everything. Dark Helmet: What? You went over my helmet? Ricco: Well not exactly over, Sir. Uh, m-more to the side. 167k |
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Lone Starr and Barf: Pizza the Hut! Pizza the Hut: Well if it isn't LoneStarr and his sidekick Puke. Barf: That's Barf. 176k |
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Yogurt: Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz! 42k |
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Radar Technician: I'm having trouble with the radar, Sir. Dark Helmet: What's wrong with it? Technician: I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps. Dark Helmet: The what? Colonel Sandurz: The what? Dark Helmet: And the what? Technician: You know, the bleeps [makes bleep noise],the sweeps [sweep noise] and the creeps [creep noise]. Dark Helmet: That's not all he's lost. 306k |
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Yogurt: Huch huch hudit mu much much m huc huch. Lone Starr: You can read it? Yogurt: No, I was just clearing my throat! 104k |
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Dark Helmet: The ring! I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book! What a goof. What's with you man? C'mon! 167k |
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Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. Lone Starr: What's that make us? Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing. 203k |
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Dark Helmet: And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. 59k |
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Yogurt Doll: May the Schwartz be with you. 166k |
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Dark Helmet: Ludicrous speed ... Go! 27k |
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Commander: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles! 60k |
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Dark Helmet, President Skroob, and Colonel Sandurz: Suck ... suck ... suck! 32k |
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Colonel Sandurz: It's MegaMaid. She's gone from suck to blow. 85k |
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The Spaceballs theme. 161k |
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Dark Helmet: Shit. I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted! 58k |
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Lone Starr: You know something Princess? You are ugly when you're angry. 80k |
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Prison Guard 1: Those are the guys that stole our uniforms! Prison Guard 2: And beat the shit out of us too! [sound of lasers charging] 43k |
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Dark Helmet: Now, commence operation 'VacuSuck.' 93k |
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Dot Matrix: That, was my virgin alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do. 74k |
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Lone Starr: What the hell was that? ... Space Ball One. 57k |
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Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise! Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful! Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent! Yogurt: Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain yogurt. 97k |