Space Corps Directives





It is a prime, overriding duty to contact other lifeforms, exchange information, and, whenever possible, bring them home. 



By joining Star Corps. each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities.



The ship's computer may be replaced when its actions lead to the gross endangerment of personel.



Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.



States that in a emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a time share schedule.

Season 5
Episode 4


Clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive.

Season 4
Episode 4


All quarantine berths must provide minimum leisure activities.

Season 5
Episode 4


Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights.



A crew member must work to earn credits for food.



In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR.



Allows you to keep people in Quarantine for a period of 3 months, however if the people can use 699 to demand a re-screening after five days, if no trace of disease is found they can leave Quarantine.

Season 5
Episode 4


One berth per registered crew member in Quarantine.

Season 5
Episode 4


A quarantined crew member can request a re-screening after a period no less than 5 days.

Season 5
Episode 4


Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.



Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.



During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose time sheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before he clocked on.



No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.

Season 6
Episode 1


No registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.

Season 6
Episode 1


No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.

Season 6
Episode 1


A crew member is unable to enter the ship for the safety of the crew when in an area of chameleonic lifeforms.

Season 6
Episode 1


To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.



The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.



No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.

Season 6
Episode 2


Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.



A Rabbi shall sacrifice one or more chickens in an attempt to solve a crisis situation.

Season 6
Episode 4


Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.

Season 6
Episode 5

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    Site last updated: Saturday, October 08, 2005

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